12-2-2001

I found an Automatic Complaint Generator at

http://www-csag.ucsd.edu/individual/pakin/complaint

Just for the fun of it, I typed Childrens Protective Services in the "Complain about a company/organization" box. Here's the letter that was automatically generated-

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My complaint about Childrens Protective Services

What I have to say will probably provoke a response from Childrens Protective Services. It may label me "effete" or even "prolix". I realize and accept that as a consequence of what I am about to say. However, I hope that Childrens Protective Services will read everything I have to say before labeling me. I begin with critical semantic clarifications. First, Childrens Protective Services is always prating about how everything it says is totally and utterly true. (It used to say that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point, but the evidence is too contrary, so it's given up on that score.)

During the first half of the 20th century, Fabianism could have been practically identified with faddism. Today, it is not so clear who can properly be called daft, mischievous smut peddlers. In these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, it doesn't do us much good to become angry and wave our arms and shout about the evils of Childrens Protective Services's allegations in general terms. If we want other people to agree with us and join forces with us, then we must follow through on the critical work that has already begun. There are two flaws with Childrens Protective Services's stances: 1) people are looking for answers, not ideology, and 2) Childrens Protective Services's philippics carry multiple connotations, ranging from the postmodernist (they preach a propaganda of hate) to the abusive (they add insult to injury). If, after hearing facts like that, you still believe that Childrens Protective Services is a paragon of morality and wisdom, then there is truly no hope for you.

Does Childrens Protective Services have a point? I indeed doubt it. I believe, way deep down, that I and Childrens Protective Services part company when it comes to the issue of credentialism. It feels that black is white and night is day, while I maintain that in a recent essay, it stated that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. Since the arguments it made in the rest of its essay are based in part on that assumption, it should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that it is secretly scheming to produce culturally degenerate films and tapes. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there, for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that I am convinced that there will be a strong effort on its part to manipulate public understanding of solecism within a short period of time. This effort will be disguised, of course. It will be cloaked in deceit, as such efforts always are. That's why I'm informing you that Childrens Protective Services is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when superficial pseudo-intellectuals (especially the abominable type) confuse, disorient, and disunify. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights. And fear of rapacious scrubs like Childrens Protective Services who change this country's moral infrastructure.

Childrens Protective Services's personal attacks are devoid of any intellectual substance. Now that that's cleared up, I'll continue with what I was saying before, that some of the facts I'm about to present may seem shocking. This they certainly are. However, that fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. "Thinking" is the key word in the previous sentence. Childrens Protective Services asserts that the best way to serve one's country is to deliver an additional blow to dignity and self-worth. That assertion is not only untrue, but a conscious lie. In whatever form it takes -- magazines, music, propaganda, or any other form -- Childrens Protective Services's rhetoric is designed to make a fetish of the virtues of execrable insurrectionism.

Childrens Protective Services's claim of fairness is demonstrably false. I've already explained why, but let me add that Children Protective Services is not interested in what is true and what is false or in what is good and what is evil. In fact, those distinctions have no meaning to it whatsoever. The only thing that has any meaning to Childrens Protective Services is negativism. Why? The only clear answer to emerge from the conflicting, contradictory stances that Children Protective Services and its lapdogs take is that Childrens Protective Services's demands have no place in a free, humane society of individual value, individual choice, and individual responsibility. We are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which catty card sharks like Childrens Protective Services are thoroughly absent. If we intend to defend democracy, we had best learn to recognize its primary enemy and not be afraid to stand up and call it by name. That name is Childrens Protective Services.

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Isn't this amazing? I could hardly say it better myself.