August 4, 2003
The Advocacy Group Wars

A statement by Leonard Henderson, co-founder of American Family Rights Association.

Lately, there has been quite a row going on between advocates, groups, and group leaders.  Accusations are flying wild.  Feelings are being hurt.  

This has got to stop.

As the moderator of several yahoogroups through the years, I found that when a war got started, the only way to handle it was to BAN the person who started the war.  Then offer to BAN anybody who had one more word to say on the subject.  And then immediately put the group on Moderated status and NUKE every message that had anything to do with the WAR.  

Somebody always has to "take the last shot".  Somebody always has to explain why they said what they said.  Somebody always has to tell you how they FEEL about the subject.

The way these stupid wars go is, people choose sides.  No logic involved.  Just feelings.  In reality, NONE of us really KNOWS anybody else.  We have simply made these acquaintances through the emails.  And we FEEL we like or trust some people more than we can trust others.  Perhaps we FEEL empathy for one person over another because their experiences are similar to ours.  But that is dangerous, because the situations that led to the similar experiences may be entirely different.

Through the years of being a moderator, I note the same names keep re-appearing in trouble.  

A group can be happily coasting along until one of these personalities arrive.  In no time at all, one of these "personalities" has a STUPID temper tantrum and types a nasty "potty-mouth" email.  And then we are off to the racetracks in another stupid war..

EVERYWHERE these "personalities" go, there is soon a war  where there had previously been peace and tranquility.

Do you see the same pattern that I do?

It FEELS really bad to find out you have taken the wrong "side" and jumped to judgment when you didn't have any FACTS to deal with and just went with your "feelings" or what somebody else said.

It FEELS really bad to find out that the person you were defending hadn't been entirely honest with you.

I don't know whether this current war is just a phase of the moon or what, but I can tell you that a whole bunch of STUPID STUFF is going on, and SOMEBODY IS LYING.  

And no, I don't know exactly who.

I am really sick and tired of the trouble. As an old dad, I could make my judgment call on who is/are the bad actor(s). But also as an old dad, I have been proved wrong on occasion.  I don't have the FACTS yet.

I can tell you from what I do KNOW about the situation is, there was a bunch of MISUNDERSTANDING going on, and there still is.  People are jumping to conclusions based on incomplete facts and/or inaccurate facts.

That's what happens when people get into a war mode of thinking.

So how about EVERYBODY taking a MORATORIUM, a Sabbatical, a TIME OUT?

I do KNOW that there are about FOUR PEOPLE in advocacy who are just plain trouble.  They cannot work and play well with others.  They may be mighty fine INDEPENDENT ADVOCATES (which I don't KNOW as a FACT either), but they are organically incapable of participating in a group effort.

When Nev Moore and I FOUNDED American Family Rights Association, we observed that every previous attempt to create a national ASSOCIATION of family rights advocates had FAILED.  And failed miserably, I might add.

What we had observed over the years is some people are in it because they want to be BOSS of their domain.  Some people want to "make a name for themselves". This is called "self aggrandizement".

So that's why American Family Rights Association was created the way it is.  There is NO "Big Boss" at AFRA dictating edicts to the members.  AFRA is a free association.  People join to add their voices to the many.  And for joining, AFRA members have the PRIVILEGE to stand up and speak on behalf of family rights with the AUTHORITY of  being an AFRA member.

That's how AFRA works, and WHY AFRA works.

The rub comes when one of these inter-group wars start.  Some Boss got his/her feelings hurt and wants AFRA to choose sides.  AFRA does NOT "choose sides".  All of the people currently embroiled in the current war are still AFRA members.  

AFRA is ABOVE the petty wars.  It has to be, in order to survive.

A few days ago, I (Leonard Henderson) got my ears singed because one of the principals involved in the current war NOT APPEARING in her state's AFRA membership listing.  I was accused of removing this person's name as part of the wild accusations going on in this STUPID war.  As nearly as I can guess, this person REQUESTED her name to be removed at some time in the past because of her battles with her local CPS.

For anybody who wonders, THIS is what it looks like when your membership in AFRA is summarily suspended- http://www.familyrightsassociation.com/members/north_carolina/index.html

In the case above, if you click on the "Creative Loafing" link, you may easily see what the "evidence" was.

We go a long way to defend our members and we try very hard to maintain the belief in the honesty, honor, and veracity of our members.

It should be obvious that we cannot tolerate LYING or other "Skull-duggery".  If we did, we would be no different than the government.

When I finally get the FACTS, I am personally going to put a stop to a bunch of this STUPID STUFF. 

We simply cannot allow bad actors to continue operating under the umbrella of the American Family Rights Association. 

It is an ethics problem.  It is an honor problem.  It's a BEHAVIOR problem.

We cannot sponsor and condone "advocates" who are a constant source of trouble and damage to the veracity of family advocacy (and further damage to the hurting families we serve).

Leonard Henderson
American Family Rights Association
http://familyrightsassociation.com
~and~
Oregon Family Rights
http://oregonfamilyrights.com
~and~
Parent News
http://parentnews.net
~and~
Revolution2.us
http://revolution2.us